Why?

For some reason, my television is currently showing an episode of American Idol from Season 1. Brian Dunkelman - heehee! Ryan Seacrest is very unevenly tanned and bleached. He is also wearing ugly striped pants. Thank goodness for all of the suits he wears now.

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:00 - I like the fact that Ryan Seacrest seems to have one color of hair this year. Much better.
8:01 - He kind of has beady little eyes. It fascinates me.
8:02 - SCARY PAULA FACE!
8:03 - What happened to Brian Dunkelman? Why does this episode need to be two hours long? Oh, so we can see crappy auditions AGAIN.
8:04 - I don't like Jordin.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Blake Lewis singing "You Give Love A Bad Name"

8:11 - Hey, I got the title right this time. Is his hair purple or is that the lighting?
8:12 - I hope he's wearing plaid socks.

Sarah (8:11:09 PM): songwriter competition = LAMEZ

Sarah (8:11:17 PM): i wonder what jordin will sing

Sarah (8:11:23 PM): maybe that song she already sang eight times

Sarah (8:11:32 PM): he should have done time of the season

Sarah (8:11:35 PM): that's my favorite

Sarah (8:11:40 PM): i think repeating is dumb

Sarah (8:11:47 PM): i want blond blake back

Sarah (8:11:53 PM): i wonder what his natural hair color is

Sarah (8:12:01 PM): his eyebrows aren't very dark

Sarah (8:12:13 PM): what is that dance?

Sarah (8:12:30 PM): it's like he's marching in place, crotch-first

Sarah (8:12:47 PM): i love his little duet with the drummer

8:13 - UGLY COAT ON RANDY!
8:15 - The lights make Blake happy! Pure joy upon his face!

Jordin Sparks singing "Fighter"

8:16 - I've heard at least one painfully bad note and she just started! Boo Jordin!

Sarah (8:16:38 PM): she's not performing

Sarah (8:16:41 PM): she's just standing there

8:17 - Jordin has CRAZY EYES!
8:18 - Robin thinks that Randy is wearing that jacket to distract from Paula's nose.
8:19 - Simon gives the first round to Blake, Paula to Jordin, and Randy is annoyingly indecisive.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

Blake Lewis singing "She Will Loved"

8:25 - Yay plaid!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

Jordin Sparks singing "Broken Wing"

8:35 - Still don't like Jordin.
8:36 - That outfit is FABULOUS!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

8:41 - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's the original song. "This Is My Now?" Whatever.

Blake Lewis singing "This Is My Now"

Sarah (8:41:58 PM): this is going to SUCK SO BAD

Sarah (8:42:01 PM): i am throwing up already

Sarah (8:42:06 PM): yay vest

Sarah (8:42:09 PM): boo tie

Sarah (8:42:12 PM): boo glitter

Sarah (8:42:14 PM): boo slow song

Sarah (8:42:17 PM): boo sitting

Sarah (8:42:23 PM): boo madeup sucky american idol song

Sarah (8:42:44 PM): ha ha glitter vest

Sarah (8:42:50 PM): i liked it until i saw the glitter

Sarah (8:43:31 PM): this song is bad

Sarah (8:43:38 PM): what happened in the middle there?

Sarah (8:43:45 PM): was he off, or was it the backup singers?

Sarah (8:43:53 PM): it's hard to know what note is the right one

Sarah (8:43:58 PM): since it's a made up song

Sarah (8:44:52 PM): i bet he's not going to be on AI next week

Sarah (8:44:55 PM): he's going home

Sarah (8:45:36 PM): paula: you're a great horse. chow mein! when do we get the knitting needles?

Sarah (8:45:46 PM): paula: fleebledeeboo!

Sarah (8:46:10 PM): stop laughing

Sarah (8:46:17 PM): or i will not be in love with you anymore

Sarah (8:46:19 PM): weirdo

Sarah (8:46:27 PM): bring back the blond hair

Sarah (8:46:30 PM): get rid of the glitter

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #5)

8:50 - Oh. One hour tonight. Two tomorrow.

Jordin Sparks singing "This Is My Now"

8:51 - Oh my god! Is Jordin seventeen? I'd forgotten.
8:53 - Phil looks like a bald little kid dressed in a sailor suit.

Sarah (8:52:44 PM): for a lame song like this you need someone who has a good voice but no personality

Sarah (8:52:49 PM): like... um... jordin

8:54 - Boo. Yay! Only one more day and I'm completely free for the summer! Also, I hate Randy.
8:55 - And Paula. No you weren't Simon! SHE SUCKS. The fact that that song was written in a style that would help Jordin ticks me off.

Sarah (8:55:21 PM): let's look at jordin's parents

Sarah (8:55:25 PM): oh, her dad is famous?

Sarah (8:55:28 PM): i didn't know

Sarah (8:55:32 PM): she's not 17, is she?

Sarah (8:55:41 PM): surprise!

Sarah (8:55:51 PM): it is NOT! it's a popularity contest with singing!

Sarah (8:55:57 PM): i refuse to believe your lies

Sarah (8:56:05 PM): it is not a singing competition

Sarah (8:56:21 PM): i don't want to download your garbage!

Sarah (8:57:07 PM): jordin is your american idol

Sarah (8:57:17 PM): blake needs to do something good tomorrow night

Sarah (8:57:25 PM): to start off his fancy noo careerz

Sarah (8:57:31 PM): as AI #2

"Liveblogging" American Idol

Sorry for the delay. Bad weather crapped on the internet, so I have been putting notes on Post-Its.

Jordin Sparks singing "Wishing On A Star," picked by Simon Cowell

8:04 - Eh, okay. I never feel moved when she sings.
8:05 - Stop reminding me that you're a teenager.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Blake Lewis singing "Roxanne," picked by Paula Abdul

8:10 - Wow. Young mayor.
8:11 - I hate this song. Not as much as "Imagine" though.
8:12 - I like Blake. Not as much as Sarah, though.

Melinda Doolittle singing "I Believe In You and Me," picked by Randy Johnson

8:14 - Stop name dropping, Randy.
8:16 - Test her range!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

Jordin Sparks singing "She Works Hard For The Money"

8:25 - One of her best.

Blake Lewis singing "This Love"

8:29 - I like this song.
8:30 - Woo Blake! I want to give him a hug!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

Melinda Doolittle singing "Nutbush City Limits"

8:38 - Good job, didn't know the song, though.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

Jordin Sparks chooses to sing "I Who Have Nothing"

Sarah (8:43:50 PM): so they get to pick the last song?

Sarah (8:43:58 PM): i will be interested to see what blake picks

Sarah (8:44:04 PM): ha ha, star at the bottom of the escalator

Sarah (8:44:11 PM): that's how you know when you've hit it big

8:45 - Pretty good. Still don't like her for some reason.
8:47 - Simon didn't like it! "She's got her star in the mall. She doesn't care anymore," Robin on Jordin.

BLAKE LEWIS AND SIR MIX-A-LOT!

Blake Lewis chooses to sing "When I Get You Alone"

8:50 - Robin Thicke?????? Why are people singing things sung by the son of the dad on "Growing Pains?" That said....I liked it.

Sarah (8:49:38 PM): i like it when he dances

Sarah (8:49:43 PM): his little moonwalk dance

Sarah (8:50:02 PM): blake is robin thicke x 30000000000000

Sarah (8:50:14 PM): by which i mean he's that much better than RT

Sarah (8:50:20 PM): not that he is more RT than RT

Sarah (8:51:05 PM): yay simon

8:55 - Haha. She got a street.

Melinda Doolittle singing "I'm A Woman"

8:56 - Good job.
8:58 - House starts in TWO MINUTES!

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:07 - I pretty much missed Melinda's performance. Luckily, we get TWO songs tonight.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Blake Lewis singing "You Should Be Dancin'"

8:13 - Hi, Barry Gibb!
8:14 - Blake's outfit looks like a weird military uniform.
8:15 - Whatever, judges, it's the freaking BEE-GEES.

LaKisha Jones singing "Stayin' Live"

8:17 - Barry Gibb can still do the falsetto.
8:18 - I learned the words to this song by watching "Airplane!" with the subtitles on.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

Jordin Sparks singing "To Love Somebody"

8:27 - I personally feel that Clay Aiken put more emotion into this song.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

Melinda Doolittle singing "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"

8:37 - I liked it.

Blake Lewis singing "This Is Where I Came In"

8:40 - Nice.
8:41 - Shut up, Randy.
8:42 - I want to pat his head.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

8:47 - Hi, Judge Judy!

LaKisha Jones singing "Run To Me"

8:50 - I think I saw Judge Judy swaying. It was good.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #5)

Jordin Sparks singing "Woman In Love"

8:57 - Eh. I guess it's pretty good, but I'm not terribly moved.

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:00 - Blah, blah, blah.

Phil Stacey singing "Blaze of Glory"

8:04 - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I hope you go home.
8:05 - I keep making the mistake of looking.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Jordin Sparks singing "Livin' On A Prayer"

8:16 (?) - Eh. But yay, it reminds me of Michigan hockey games.*

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

8:23 - It looked like LaKisha almost swatted Seacrest in the face. That would have been funny.

LaKisha Jones singing "This Ain't A Love Song"

8:25 - Jon Bon Jovi remains good-looking even though he's a jillion years older than me.
8:26 - No one wants to talk to Sarah.
8:28 - Why did Simon and LaKisha just kiss on the lips? What the hell? Flattery is good but kissing Simon is just wrong.
8:30 - Why is Blake's hair brown?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

Blake Lewis singing "Shot Through The Heart"

8:34 - There have been three votes for the return of beat-boxing.
8:35 - YAY!

Sarah (8:36:16 PM): he can do some impressive things with his mouth

Alfie (8:36:19 PM): HAHA!

Sarah (8:36:23 PM): (that's what she said)

Sarah (8:36:42 PM): he was cringing at the drums

Sarah (8:36:44 PM): it was weird

Sarah (8:36:52 PM): he sort of looks like your hobbit

8:38 - If Paula's imitation of Simon's mom is any good, I'm disturbed for two people. Paula and Simon's mom. Don't "dance" like that.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

Chris Richardson singing "Dead or Alive"

8:45 - I kind of want to watch Ghostbusters. This has nothing to do with his performance. I just do.
8:46 - I kind of liked it. Definitely more than Jordin's slaughtering of "Livin' On A Prayer."
8:47 - Why isn't Seacrest wearing a tie?
8:49 - Nicknames for Phil:

Marie - Stinking Rat
Lock - Nosferatu
Dad - Ben

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #5)

Melinda Doolittle singing "Have A Nice Day"

8:52 - What's with the keyboardist's hair?
8:53 - MORE COWBELL!
8:54 - Pretty good.

Sarah (8:53:54 PM): she's a better "rocker" than jordin

Sarah (8:53:59 PM): jordin didn't have the rock energy

Sarah (8:54:05 PM): she just sang - she didn't "perform"

8:55 - Judges loved it. Reminded them of Tina Turner.
8:57 - Recap time. NO MORE PHIL, EVER.

SEND PHIL HOME! Oh, you need to send two home? Send him home twice.

* I accidentally deleted the whole part about Jordin. Whoops.

"Liveblogging" American Idol

I believe that the whole "Idol Gives Back" thing would be more believable if I thought Seacrest had a soul. I think he's a robot of some sort.

8:02 - Eh, Bono. I don't know how I feel about this. I'm not the biggest U2 fan. I understand why he was chosen for this episode, though.
8:05 - Oh hell. This is the first of the two song episodes, isn't it?

Chris Richardson singing "Change the World" (Eric Clapton)

8:06 - I love this song. Get off the stool.
8:07 - I actually don't mind the nasally voice. I love Eric Clapton.
8:08 - Is he growing out a beard to look like Eric Clapton? That'd be awesome.
8:09 - Oh, it's two numbers for charity. Never mind.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Melinda Doolittle singing "There Will Come a Day" (Faith Hill)

8:18 - Awesome as usual.
8:19 - IM from Sarah

Sarah (8:19:46 PM): simon looks like he belongs on the front of a romance novel

Sarah (8:19:48 PM): i wouldn't buy it

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

Blake Lewis singing "Imagine" (John Lennon)

8:25 - DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH to you.
8:26 - I hate this song. Just think. I might have voted for you if you had chosen ANY OTHER SONG. This is the song that makes me want to punch the radio any time it comes on.
8:27 - Also, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Sarah (8:28:21 PM): i was wanting you to do POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Sarah (8:28:34 PM): that one is supposed to inspire people to do stuff

Sarah (8:28:43 PM): instead of just inspiring people to imagine about stuff

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

Sarah (8:30:11 PM): i bet lakisha believes she can fly

Sarah (8:30:20 PM): i bet she believes she can touch the sky

Sarah (8:30:27 PM): i bet she thinks about it every night and day

LaKisha Jones singing "I Believe" (Fantasia)

8:36 - "We got the new Bucky Covington CD!" Bob and Robin, while watching LaKisha's performance.
8:37 - Pretty good.
8:38 - Paula is irritating.
8:39 - Robin feels that she should have serenaded us with "Baby Mama."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

Phil Stacey singing "Change" (Garth Brooks)

8:44 - ALIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Sarah (8:44:49 PM): there's an alien on the TV

Sarah (8:45:01 PM): someone alert the authorities

Sarah (8:45:15 PM): "the change"?

Sarah 8:45:19 PM): is it about menopause?

Sarah (8:45:57 PM): one of the TV recap sites calls him nosferatu

Sarah (8:46:08 PM): i would like to see him in a big cape

Sarah (8:46:18 PM): even better, i'd like to not see him at all

Sarah (8:46:20 PM): that would be awesome

8:47 - I didn't look at the TV, so it wasn't as atrocious as it could have been.

Sarah (8:48:50 PM): FALSE

Sarah (8:48:53 PM): NO ONE LIKES YOU

Sarah (8:49:00 PM): especially not your baby daughter

Sarah (8:49:05 PM): who will grow up hating you

Sarah (8:49:13 PM): because you chose a stupid reality TV show over her

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #5)

8:53 - "I've never met nice people before!" Simon, on America's First Harvest

Jordin Sparks singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" (Rodgers and Hammerstein)

Sarah (8:55:13 PM): i hate carousel

8:56 - Pretty good.

Sarah (8:56:49 PM): if she had to sing something from a musical, she should have sung climb every mountain

Sarah (8:56:56 PM): or the lonely goatherd

Sarah (8:57:00 PM): that inspires me

Sarah (8:57:08 PM): to be a goatherd

Sarah (8:57:17 PM): i think i would have sung this in a different key

Sarah (8:57:30 PM): well, I would have sung this in a VERY different key

Sarah (8:57:42 PM): because i am a terrible terrible singer who dogs and family members hate

Sarah (8:57:50 PM): and i have a range of about five notes

Sarah (8:58:05 PM): that was not as great as randy thinks

Sarah (8:58:12 PM): maybe that's my carousel-prejudice talking

8:59 - "How do we vote for Sanjaya?" Robin, missing her favorite Idol

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:01 - I am not a country music fan.
8:02 - Martina McBride is teaching. I don't know much of her music.
8:03 - I hope Sanjaya has a bouffant this week.

Phil Stacey sings "Where The Blacktop Ends"

8:03 - Somewhere, my sister is screaming and hiding her face.
8:05 - Guess who still doesn't like Phil or most country music! Me!
8:06 - Judges liked it. I want pizza. I can't watch this show on an empty stomach.
8:07 - "This is my genre," Phil on country music.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

Jordin Sparks sings "Broken Wing"

8:12 - I hate it when people sing songs originally done by the guest mentor. This was especially annoying during "Gwen Stefani" week.
8:14 - Pretty good.
8:15 - Simon said that she could win American Idol based on her performance.
8:16 - I love how tiny Seacrest looks next to her.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #2)

8:21 - GO AWAY, CONSTANTINE!

Sanjaya Malakar sings "Something To Talk About"

8:22 - I like that song, don't you dare ruin it.
8:23 - If you were going to sing a song originally done by a woman, why couldn't it be "Redneck Woman?"
8:24 - My ears are bleeding.
8:26 - Simon thought it was hideous.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #3)

LaKisha Jones sings "Jesus, Take The Wheel"

8:32 - "She'll tear it up, Flint's a little bit country," Bob on LaKisha.

Chris Richardson sings "Mayberry"

8:38 - I still want you to stay longer than Phil Stacey. I HATE PHIL!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #4)

8:46 - Robin is talking about the yakuza.

Melinda Doolittle sings "Trouble Is A Woman"

8:47 - That hairstyle makes her look younger.
8:49 - Judges loved it.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK #5)

Blake Lewis sings "When The Stars Go Blue"

8:55 - Big shock, Blake is wearing plaid. And I got an IM asking if he was singing in English. Thanks, Sarah.
8:56 - I wish he had added beat-boxing. That song was boring.
8:57 - "Poor song choice. He should've done "This Kiss" by Faith Hill with beat-boxing. Because that's the only country song I can think of. Someone should have done Harper Valley PTA. That's an awesome song. Beat-boxing wouldn't have worked with that though," Sarah on Blake's performance.
9:00 - Now everyone is singing "Convoy." I hate you all.

On tonight's American Idol

If Sanjaya Malakar sings "Redneck Woman," I will give my sister $20. Seriously. It would totally be worth it.

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:03 - I hate Jennifer Lopez.

Melinda Doolittle singing "Sway"

8:04 - Yay Melinda.
8:08 - Haha, Simon. "I think he wanted to say something bad and he finally got the chance."

LaKisha Jones singing "Conga"

8:14 - Why are we starting with the two most talented people?
8:16 - Shut up, Paula. Safe this. *makes imaginary rude gesture*
8:17 - Yes, we get it. Tension between Ryan and Simon. Enough already! Time for Sanjaya to sing "She Bangs" à la William Hung.

Chris Richardson singing "Smooth"

8:24 - Please stay longer than Glen. Glen and Haley must go.

Haley Scarnato singing "Turn the Beat Around"

8:30 - I don't hate Jennifer Lopez as much now.
8:31 - "Is she like seven feet tall?" Bob, on Haley. "She's like the female Sanjaya!" Lock, on Haley.
8:33 - Simon is telling you that you're tarting it up. I am telling you your hair looks stupid.

Phil "Glen" Stacey singing "Maria, Maria"

8:34 - Quoting A League of Their Own to Mom. Nice hat, creepy. GO AWAY. YOU PLAY A ROLE IN CURRENT NIGHTMARES.
8:38 - "Does "Lowrider" count as a Latin song? I want Blake to sing that," Sarah's favorite is upcoming.

Jordin Sparks singing "Rhythm is Gonna Get You"

8:44 - Pretty good.
8:45 - Apparently Lock and Bob will be performing at Art Fair. Ick on many levels.

Blake Lewis singing "I Need To Know"

8:47 - "JLo hates Marc Anthony. Blake was singing and she was glaring at him. Like "Stop singing that. You remind me of that guy who's always in my house," Sarah on Jennifer Lopez's reaction to Blake's song.

Sanjaya Malakar singing "Bésame Mucho"

8:54 - "He's trying to be Zorro," Robin on Sanjaya.
8:55 - Why are you not singing "She Bangs?" You are dead to me.
8:56 - Randy and Paula are surprised because they liked it. So am I.
8:57 - "I hate myself for this, but it wasn't horrible," Simon on Sanjaya.

Send Glen and Haley home, America!!!!!!!! DO IT!

"Liveblogging" American Idol

8:01 - I wish I was more interested in Tony Bennett. If it's LEGENDS WEEK, does that mean Bobby Darin is a possibility? It better. Unless Sanjaya tries to sing it.
8:02 - "He looks so terrible! How can they like him?" - Marie, on Sanjaya (I thought she was talking about Tony Bennett.)

(Blake Lewis sings "Mack the Knife")

8:03 - BLAKE IS SINGING BOBBY!!!! Or Louis Armstrong, but I choose to believe BOBBY!
8:04 - I hate your pants. But I think I love you.
8:05 - "He's such a terrible singer but I love him." - Sarah, on Blake Lewis
8:06 - "What is her alcohol level?" - Marie, on Paula

*COMMERCIAL BREAK #1*

(Phil Stacey sings "Night and Day")

8:12 - "I accidentally looked at the TV." - Sarah, on Phil "Glen" Stacey
8:13 - "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." - Sarah, on Phil again.
8:14 - He's trying too hard. It's not impressing me.
8:15 - I think I have the same teeth as him.
8:17 - Well, Diana Ross, Lulu and Gwen Stefani all thought she was impressive; apparently she is more impressed by Tony Bennett.

(Melinda Doolittle sings "I Got Rhythm")

8:19 - Yay! Melinda is good.
8:20 - Shut up, Paula.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK #2*

(Chris Richardson sings "Don't Get Around Much Anymore")

8:27 - Why wear suspenders if you aren't going to use them? Also, you're wearing a belt.
8:29 - I'll keep you if it means Sanjaya goes. Also, what on Earth will Sanjaya do this week.

(Jordin Sparks sings "On A Clear Day")

8:32 - She was pretty good. Seriously, shut up, Paula.
8:33 - "I hope Sanjaya comes out with a bald cap on. Not even with his head shaved. Just wearing a bald cap for no reason. And refuses to explain it. That would rule." - Sarah, on Sanjaya's hair change-a-week.
8:37 - "He sucks but he can't even suck as much as I want him to." - Sarah, on Sanjaya again.

(Gina Glocksen sings "Smile")

8:38 - I did not know this was by Charlie Chaplin.

(Sanjaya Malakar sings "Dancing Cheek to Cheek")

8:41 - "He comes up with something interesting every week." - Tony Bennett, on Sanjaya
8:42 - "Heaven, I'm in Heaven..." - Sanjaya; "Hell, I'm in Hell...." - Me, on his performance.
8:43 - I don't think much of Fred Astaire's singing, but I would like him to sing that song over and over to get this out of my head.
8:43 - "I can't even comment on the singing." - Randy, on Sanjaya's performance
8:44 - "Thank you for the dance." - Paula, on Sanjaya's performance

*Another commercial, I lost count*

8:49 - "That was a Sarah hello." - Marie, on Haley's hello.

(Haley Scarnato sings "Ain't Misbehavin'")

8:50 - "I like that she's wearing the lower half of a mermaid costume as a top." - Robin, on Haley's outfit
8:52 - Yet another case of avoiding giving feedback.

*Another freaking commercial*

8:56 - Why is Ryan hugging the man Mom says is Sanjaya's father?

(LaKisha Jones sings "Stormy Weather")

8:57 - I like LaKisha. She's good. I want a cookie.
8:59 - Shut up, Paula. Let's watch House, M.D. instead.

Whoops

I just realized that I haven't blogged in several months. I missed my fifth blogiversary. I haven't even made any sarcastic posts about American Idol. Shocking. I'll try to start blogging again.

Oh dear....

I'd forgotten that I share a birthday with her.

Oh no. And him.

I also dislike Elvis!

Ok, here we go!

First up, Taylor Hicks singing "Jailhouse Rock." Oh dear. When he dances, he looks like a Sim fighting the urge to pee. The singing was okay, the song choice sucked. I love Simon - he hated it!

Oh crap - there are only four. Does that mean they each sing MORE THAN ONE ELVIS SONG?!?!?!? For the love of God, please no.

Up next, Chris Daughtry singing "Suspicious Minds." Hey Sarah! He's going to fuelerize your song! What's up with that jacket? Hey Randy, I think I want a dog named Chris! I guess it was pretty good. I was distracted by the sunglasses.

Third, Elliott Yamin singing "I Can Dream." I don't even know if I got the title right. I've never heard this song. I have a soft spot for Elliott. I think it's because he tends to come off as a bit of a nerd. YAY! Simon like it! A LOT!

Preview for tonight's House - Chase and House, both so cute!

Final singer of the first half, Katharine McPhee singing "Hound Dog" and "All Shook Up." Yay! I hate both songs! If we dump her this week, we can have all guys next week! Yay! You might want to get that itch checked out.... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want you and Taylor to leave. I think Paula's on drugs. I <3 Simon!

Beginnning Round 2, Taylor Hicks singing "In the Ghetto." Oh, for the love of God. Haha, Tommy Mattola told you not to dance! I can't listen to this song without doing my Cartman impression. That is not constructive criticism, Randy, that is flattery. Simon, stop using Paula's drugs - that sucked!

Here comes Chris Daughtry singing "A Little Less Conversation." So far Sarah's predictions are okay. Maybe Elliott and Katharine will sing "Kentucky Rain" and "Always On My Mind." I wish Chris was wearing a sparkly jumpsuit and sky diving in Vegas. What was with the screaming at the end? You sounded like you had a hairball. Paula looked like she was going to pop her head off.

So why is Seacrest wearing a three piece suit? Is he trying to steal my sister from apete?

Time for Elliott Yamin singing "Trouble." Elliott, please don't dance. Yay! They like you! Yay! Simon wants you to go to the next round!

Last, it's Katharine McPhee singing "Can't Help Falling in Love." Guess "Suspicious Minds" is the only Sarah song we shall here tonight! She just started and I am already dreaming of the end. Stop looking longingly at the camera! PITCHY! SUCKY! I hope they send you home tomorrow!

While watching American Idol....

Chris - What a Wonderful World: Pretty and the judges like it.
Paris - Wasn't listening, but the judges liked it.
Taylor - You Send Me: Yay! I like, judges like!

Is Simon drunk? Normally I ignore things Seacrest says, but I've never seen him be positive about three people in a row.

Heehee - Rod Stewart!

Elliott - It Had to be You: Yay! Hurray for Idols singing music I know! Well, the male ones. "Like Michael Buble with more soul....." - Paula's on crack. Yay! Simon's back, even though I liked Elliott!

This season is full of nerds. That makes me happy.

I think Kellie is a ditz. And Rod Stewart interacting with her creeps me out.

Kellie - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: Ow! Bad note! Go home! Paula - this is not a fashion competition, it's for the SINGING (and personality). Zero for three! Haha! No one really liked it!

TRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Luckily it's a commercial break because living next to train tracks is a pain.

Ace - That's All: Um, what is with your hair? It appears to be both slicked back and in a ponytail. It looks strange with the suit. Ew, need to listen to the Kevin Spacey and Bobby Darin versions to get this performance out of my head. It's supposed to be upbeat! Apparently all the judges are on drugs because they liked it.

Apparently Seacrest is 5'7". Which would make him - yes, that's right! Seven inches taller than me! Hahaha!

Katharine - Someone to Watch Over Me: Ack! Painful to my ears. Any song I hear where I feel I could do a better performance = bad performance by the Idol. Owowowowowowowowowowowowowow. All of the judges are dumb.

Guess what I'm watching!

Apparently there's a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at the Wharton Center - starring Amy Adams from American Idol as the Narrator.

Tbspt => :P

Yet another season of American Idol is finished. Darn.

< /sarcasm >

Carrie is the AI. Who honestly cares?

American Idol "update"

Darn. I enjoyed watching AFed on American Idol. It annoyed everyone around me if I cheered for him. Plus, I kinda wanted Carrie to leave.

Yet another week of stupidity

Dear America,

Kindly discontinue being crackheads....especially you, OHIO!

Alfie

Anyways, on to American Idol -

Down to five. Tonight's theme? Two of them. Songs by some songwriting duo (Leiber and Stoller) and songs from this week's Billboard charts.

Anthony Fedorov
"Poison Ivy" by the Coasters
My thoughts: I like your shoes. Do you want a cookie?
Randy's thoughts: "You kinda got it together in the end."
Paula's "thoughts": "I give you credit for choosing a song that shows versatility."
Simon's thoughts: "You are very lucky tonight that you are singing two songs."
My rebuttal: I hate you, Paula.

Scott Savol
"On Broadway" by George Benson
My thoughts: How have you made it this far? You creep me out. Stop gesturing at Simon. Singing-wise, it was ok, but I still want you to go far, far away.
Randy's thoughts: "Some bad notes, you pulled it out."
Paula's "thoughts": Some garbage about moxy.....
Simon's thoughts: "Probably your best performance...."
My rebuttal: GO AWAY!

Vonzell Solomon
???????????????
My thoughts: Pretty good, even though I have absolutely no clue as to what song it was....
Randy's thoughts: "That was one of the best vocals out of a song I've never known...."
Paula's "thoughts": "You are a consumate performer. Great vocals."
Simon's thoughts: "Overall, I thought it was a bit of a mess."
My rebuttal: I still hate Paula, but I think Simon may be on some of her drugs....

Bo Bice
"Stand by Me" by Ben E. King
My thoughts: Enjoyable. Can I cut your hair? We can donate it together!
Randy's thoughts: "You pick the right song for you. You know who you are. You are definitely on your way."
Paula's "thoughts": "There's no reason to critique you."
Simon's thoughts: Couldn't hear him....but I think it was positive. He didn't get booed by the audience.
My rebuttal: America, if you vote him off, I will go crazy on you. I mean, more crazy.

Carrie Underwood
"Trouble" by Elvis Presley
My thoughts: I'm glad that you are proud about being evil. Not a type of music I like, but you did a good job.
Randy's thoughts: "You know exactly who you are. Great song choice."
Paula's "thoughts": Blah, blah, blah.
Simon's thoughts: "You have to give your fans what they wanted and that is exactly what they wanted."
My rebuttal: I hate you, Paula Abdul.

Anthony Fedorov
"Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys
My thoughts: Much better. Would you like another cookie?
Randy's thoughts: "It was really about 5 out of 1o."
Paula's "thoughts": "I think you are suited for these type of songs."
Simon's thoughts: "I think you absolutely chose the right song."
My rebuttal: Dear god, I hope you are on this show for at least another week.

Scott Savol
"Every Time You Go Away" by Brian McKnight
My thoughts: Ok, I guess.
Randy's thoughts: "You did again, dogg."
Paula's "thoughts": "I got so much joy watching your joy on stage tonight."
Simon's thoughts: "You were more flat than you were in tune."
My rebuttal: Simon, will you marry me? Scott, GO BACK TO OHIO!

Vonzell Solomon
"When You Tell Me That You Love Me" by American Idol, Season IV
My thoughts: Pretty good!
Randy's thoughts: "Perfect vocals."
Paula's "thoughts": "It's beautiful. I love the song."
Simon's thoughts: "I think you're very vulnerable tonight."
My rebuttal: Sometimes I think Simon says nasty things about people because he wants America to vote for them.

Bo Bice
"Heaven" by Los Lonely Boys
My thoughts: Uh-oh. I wish you had chosen a different song.
Randy's thoughts: "You just solidified. You the captain of the dogg pound."
Paula's "thoughts": Some garbage....
Simon's thoughts: "You are performing like the real thing."
My rebuttal: Hurray! Maybe I'm wrong!

Carrie Underwood
"Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts
My thoughts: Pretty good.
Randy's thoughts: "Another great, perfect vocal performance."
Paula's "thoughts": "It was a simple song that you sang eloquent, beautifully."
Simon's thoughts: Liked it. "Robotic."
My rebuttal: You sing eloquent too, Paula.

No more Scott will mean me being happy. America, you want me to be happy. Get rid of Scott. Don't you dare touch Bo or Vonzell.

American Idol

Ok, I missed Carrie and Bo. From the replays, they both looked pretty good. Caught the very end of Vonzell. She seemed amazing. I liked Anothony's performance. Constantine and Scott, you are my two choices to go back to Brooklyn and Shaker Heights, respectively.