Apparently Dave Barry is really a bunch of squirrels with Napoleon complexes

I found this website where you can generate your own Dave Barry columns. Here is mine:

Recently in Ann Arbor (motto: "Fish have sex in it!"), residents reported an outbreak of donkey bums. Perhaps you think there are no donkey bums in Ann Arbor. Perhaps you are an idiot.
As the French say, au contraire (literally: "YOU ARE A BIG FREAK!!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Alex Rivera, whose name can be rearranged to spell "AALREEXV IR", although that is not my main point. "Alex Rivera", by the way, only has the letters "Aleiea" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Ann Arbor Mayor Peter T. Mitchell (formally "Mayor Peter T. Mitchell" and informally "BoomBoom"), donkey bums ranks as a major crisis just behind Jigna, Anisha and Payal (insert your "Rebecca" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Ann Arbor government employees:

FIRST ANN ARBOR EMPLOYEE: "Hasta la vista!"

SECOND ANN ARBOR EMPLOYEE: "FREAKIN' IDIOT!"

FIRST ANN ARBOR EMPLOYEE: "I'm sorry that you don't know how to drive!"

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor BoomBoom, and that is: drain George Steinbrenner's bank account.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's bank account, although it might involve running over Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "making", and de grace, meaning "out with my gorgeous husband Dominic Monaghan". The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. dump it in Ohio
2. plunging toilets

But instead the Ann Arbor city council (motto: "We'll screw up when you pry the weblog out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the donkey bums) will be on the backs of donkeys soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "I'm a total idiot who should not have been given a driver's license let alone been able to use it".
Speaking of which, "The Ann Arbor Donkey bums Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.


I was led to this site from this site.