Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Yet another week of stupidity

Dear America,

Kindly discontinue being crackheads....especially you, OHIO!


Anyways, on to American Idol -

Down to five. Tonight's theme? Two of them. Songs by some songwriting duo (Leiber and Stoller) and songs from this week's Billboard charts.

Anthony Fedorov
"Poison Ivy" by the Coasters
My thoughts: I like your shoes. Do you want a cookie?
Randy's thoughts: "You kinda got it together in the end."
Paula's "thoughts": "I give you credit for choosing a song that shows versatility."
Simon's thoughts: "You are very lucky tonight that you are singing two songs."
My rebuttal: I hate you, Paula.

Scott Savol
"On Broadway" by George Benson
My thoughts: How have you made it this far? You creep me out. Stop gesturing at Simon. Singing-wise, it was ok, but I still want you to go far, far away.
Randy's thoughts: "Some bad notes, you pulled it out."
Paula's "thoughts": Some garbage about moxy.....
Simon's thoughts: "Probably your best performance...."
My rebuttal: GO AWAY!

Vonzell Solomon
My thoughts:
Pretty good, even though I have absolutely no clue as to what song it was....
Randy's thoughts: "That was one of the best vocals out of a song I've never known...."
Paula's "thoughts": "You are a consumate performer. Great vocals."
Simon's thoughts: "Overall, I thought it was a bit of a mess."

My rebuttal: I still hate Paula, but I think Simon may be on some of her drugs....

Bo Bice
"Stand by Me" by Ben E. King
My thoughts: Enjoyable. Can I cut your hair? We can donate it together!
Randy's thoughts: "You pick the right song for you. You know who you are. You are definitely on your way."
Paula's "thoughts": "There's no reason to critique you."
Simon's thoughts: Couldn't hear him....but I think it was positive. He didn't get booed by the audience.
My rebuttal: America, if you vote him off, I will go crazy on you. I mean, more crazy.

Carrie Underwood
"Trouble" by Elvis Presley
My thoughts:
I'm glad that you are proud about being evil. Not a type of music I like, but you did a good job.
Randy's thoughts: "You know exactly who you are. Great song choice."
Paula's "thoughts": Blah, blah, blah.
Simon's thoughts: "You have to give your fans what they wanted and that is exactly what they wanted."
My rebuttal: I hate you, Paula Abdul.

Anthony Fedorov
"Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys
My thoughts: Much better. Would you like another cookie?
Randy's thoughts: "It was really about 5 out of 1o."
Paula's "thoughts": "I think you are suited for these type of songs."
Simon's thoughts: "I think you absolutely chose the right song."
My rebuttal: Dear god, I hope you are on this show for at least another week.

Scott Savol
"Every Time You Go Away" by Brian McKnight
My thoughts: Ok, I guess.
Randy's thoughts: "You did again, dogg."
Paula's "thoughts": "I got so much joy watching your joy on stage tonight."
Simon's thoughts: "You were more flat than you were in tune."
My rebuttal: Simon, will you marry me? Scott, GO BACK TO OHIO!

Vonzell Solomon
"When You Tell Me That You Love Me" by American Idol, Season IV
My thoughts: Pretty good!
Randy's thoughts: "Perfect vocals."
Paula's "thoughts": "It's beautiful. I love the song."
Simon's thoughts: "I think you're very vulnerable tonight."
My rebuttal: Sometimes I think Simon says nasty things about people because he wants America to vote for them.

Bo Bice
"Heaven" by Los Lonely Boys
My thoughts: Uh-oh. I wish you had chosen a different song.
Randy's thoughts: "You just solidified. You the captain of the dogg pound."
Paula's "thoughts": Some garbage....
Simon's thoughts: "You are performing like the real thing."
My rebuttal: Hurray! Maybe I'm wrong!

Carrie Underwood
"Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts
My thoughts: Pretty good.
Randy's thoughts: "Another great, perfect vocal performance."
Paula's "thoughts": "It was a simple song that you sang eloquent, beautifully."
Simon's thoughts: Liked it. "Robotic."
My rebuttal: You sing eloquent too, Paula.

No more Scott will mean me being happy. America, you want me to be happy. Get rid of Scott. Don't you dare touch Bo or Vonzell.